4 min read Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the. Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) June 8, 2022. Im writing a fantasy fiction novel about a mom that has a cold and her family does things for themselves while she rests. 2023 BuzzFeed, Inc. All rights reserved. To that end, we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on Twitter every week to spread the joy. Myths and Magic week will run from July 17th-21st 2023. I took a picture of a kid's chest x-ray to show the family (he had pneumonia). In my will Im leaving my kids an elaborate treasure map to a buried fortune. Our drop-off time is 8:24. My kids won't stop bugging me for an in-ground pool so tonight we're watching Poltergeist. Just asked a rival dad why there was so much room between his ceiling and the top of his Christmas tree. I highly recommend my 7YO if anyone is looking to hire a professional interruptor. Wishing you all a good weekend! ". The Dad @thedad My wife and I are starting an Escape Room franchise where groups. 10 hours later i remembered I'm 38. You are also agreeing to our Terms of Service and Privacy Policy. She said, "one day, maybe you'll be the best mom in the universe." By entering your email and clicking Sign Up, you're agreeing to let us send you customized marketing messages about us and our advertising partners. By entering your email and clicking Sign Up, you're agreeing to let us send you customized marketing messages about us and our advertising partners. Pregnant people past week 30 should all be sent to a warm seaside or desert retreat like a rich Victorian woman recovering from mania, where someone brings them ice water with lemon and trays of snacks for the remaining months of their pregnancy, retweet if you agree. I panicked and said "Let's talk about where babies come from". So each week, we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on Twitter to spread the joy. To that end, every week, we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on Twitter to spread the joy. Jan 13, 2023, 03:53 PM EST. Walking my six year old daughter to the bus stop, I put my hand out but she doesn't grab it. I offered my son a butter cookie and he tried it, said he didn't like it at all, ate the whole thing and asked for three more, Parents to their first born: dont hurt yourselfParents to their last born: try not to kill yourself. My 6yo: There's no school on Friday because it's a teacher planning day. I'm teaching my kids to read to help them succeed in school. My 5 year old squeezed my hand and said Daddy, I dont do busy and Ive never related to him more, Ive never met a better negotiator than a kid who doesnt want to go to sleep. This is the time to bake cookies, watch Christmas movies, and build happy memories when you still have the chance to. Prayers for my distraught 5yo whose pet ice cube just melted in his apple juice. The WP Minute - WordPress news. 15-12-2021 2 2. Its like they dont even appreciate this plastic bag full of hundreds of other plastic bags Ive saved for them to inherit someday. 107d ago today / Parents Here are the 24 funniest parents on. My 4-year-old says the wrong name for many things. my 9 and 7 yo each had a friend sleep over this weekend. I really don't know where this conversation is going. Those are my toddler's emotional support kitchen utensils. You are also agreeing to our Terms of Service and Privacy Policy. Have you ever been shopping without your kid and someone's child in the store starts whining to their mother and you breathe a sigh of relief because that could have been you? Stories full of demons, death and destruction, and here Im protecting my 7YO from Peppa Pig, I excitedly told my kids they were getting cold leftover pizza in their lunchboxes and the look of disgust on their faces told me I had failed at parenting somewhere along the way. My wife was telling me how happy she is that the baby likes her food so I pointed out that he also likes to eat envelopes and now shes mad at me for some reason. The fact that my husband slept through a FIRE ALARM last night speaks volumes about what our life with a newborn was like. Here are some of the best quips I've come across this week. I do not envy parents who stay home with their kids three days before Christmas. My mom, looking at the baby: oh my gosh! She thought station wagons were hearses. BuzzFeed Staff . The Charmin' Carmen (@Charmin_Carmen) January 11, 2023. Caroline Bologna Nov 11, 2022, 09:00 AM EST | Updated Nov 11, 2022 Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. The fact that my 8 year old farted in my face RIGHT after I told him that Id had a terrible day has me thinking that all those fairytales about parents leaving their kids in the woods may have actually been true stories. Parenting funny tweets tweets of the week best parenting tweets. Another week and and another round of funny tweets from parents! To be a parent or to not be a parent. My 2yo made it through a 2 hour drive, a 2 hour wait at the airport where he read a book quietly to himself, an hour flight where he happily watched Finding Nemo on silent, a bus ride where he laughed the whole time, and then screamed the entire 15 min drive home in our own car. Well, for now. Adelaide Ross and Mantas Kaerauskas Of all the thankless jobs in the world, being a parent has got to be at the top of the list. So, I sent my kid into preschool with a little bag of white powder for show and tell. Mrs . The new year was a new flood of email. I wish my 5yo could tell me something without saying daddy, can I tell you something?. #1 This will be funnier in 6 years after I'm through parenting teens LOL I told my mom I thought parenting got easier as the kids get older and she laughed so hard she cried a little Katie D (@KatieDeal99) October 17, 2022 #2 Hahaha My son Luke loves that we named our children after Star Wars characters. Do you love humor and heartwarming stories? He calls rotisserie meat chicken. Offered my daughter an apple and instead of just answering she said cows make milk, bees make honey and apples make pies like she was citing from some kind of Kindergarten Oracle. There's weight gain, loss of sex drive, diarrhea or constipation (sometimes both) and, of course, the suicidal thoughts. Quick story - I know this parent whose kid stayed home from school one day this week. 97% of parenting is just saying "oh wow" to your kid when they do something totally not wow. I googled juvenile psychopathy, my husband interrogated our kid. Functioning is something everyone wants to do. What I say: Be ready, we are leaving in five minutes.What the child hears: Get undressed. Him: Im still Canaan mommy but I need lotion. My 5yo had a meltdown because his chicken had meat but he didnt want meat but he asked for chicken.And upon further investigation, he wanted bbq chicken not rotisserie. Thank you. So I guess were business associates now. This episode is an entire recording of the livestream broadcast over YouTube including audience + listener questions. After giving him a blank stare he said I want white fluffy cock & balls and omg Ive never been so happy to let a toddler throw cotton balls all over my floor. My 9 year old has wanted to bake a cake for weeks and today after I finished work we finally did it. I picked up some socks off the floor and my 4yo said, I was just going to do that. Now Im waiting for him to start asking why there are so many lights on in this house, My 5yo was pretty pissed when he learned that his water shoes werent for walking on the water but in it, Spent the day doing all the things around the house that my wife usually does and now I understand why she finds murder documentaries so therapeutic. By entering your email and clicking Sign Up, you're agreeing to let us send you customized marketing messages about us and our advertising partners. Another week and and another round of funny tweets from parents! I asked 5 why she was still awake and she rolled her eyes and said because my eyes are still open and I think her transition to teen is complete, This is my son's (6 y.o.) Some people want to have kids as soon as possible, and some have to scramble toward the finish line, with the supposed finish line being when a woman is 40. Students arriving at 8:26 will be late. because it's not 13, 9 and 7. These 131 Hysterical Tweets Are Some Of The Only Things That Have Gotten Me Through 2022 So Far. Welcome back! To that end, every week, we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on Twitter to spread the joy. Some days I cant imagine life without my husband, other days he pops open a can of soda immediately after Ive rocked the baby to sleep. ", You know youre getting old when your kids start referring to every old person they know as about your age. Emptying my pockets before laundry: some tissues, a receipt, huh, thought my lip balm was in there. It was a station wagon. I ask her if we beefin and she looks me in the eye and tells me she thinks that she's getting a little . Janene #1 LOL that is every parent of a little kid right now But there are other side-effects of raising children that you may not have expected. ". (Cue applause.) What does that mean?Me: [mumbling] They plan on screwing up my Friday, that's what. Image via @softbalIs on Twitter. Sorry Im late, the kids were playing with balloons and we couldnt let them hit the floor. my lip balm twisted all the way with no cap, rocks. Janene. perspective on my job pic.twitter.com/h1CpIFJo3m. By Georgia Nicols Wednesday . This Funny Week in Funny Tweets: January 13, 2022. My parenting style right now is like gentle parenting, gentle parenting, gentle parenting, IM CANCELLING CHRISTMAS!! Wishing you all a good weekend! "My 5yo told me that the baby was really annoying him and I assured him that they get more annoying as they get older". When you have a baby, it's all about the baby and not about you. The Funniest Parenting Tweets of the Week (December 1, 2022) The Funniest Parenting Tweets of the Week (December 1, 2022) 4 days ago Like Comments | 1 If you don't have a list on. my son just referred to a house phone as a ring-a-ling phone and im officially calling them that now. My 8yo in a white shirt with a pomegranate and voil! Of course, some people don't have a choice in whether they become parents. 4 says all these cars are in line for gas. Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more! Sorry I didnt make mashed potatoes. 5 paused the movie she was watching, handed me the remote and said while Im playing, you can watch something in case you were wondering whos in charge around here. Caroline Bologna. 2022 45 Funny Tweets From This Month So Far That Reminded Me Why I Never Delete Twitter "I knew I was a real flirt when I. Feb 4, 2022, 12:47 PM EST. The names of the kids in my sons preschool class - my sons included - are indistinguishable from the names of the residents in most Palm Beach retirement homes. 2023 BuzzFeed, Inc. All rights reserved. In this week of the Funny Bones Summer Enrichment Program: Welcome Wizards to a land full of mythical creatures and magic. The 20 Funniest Tweets from Parents this Week Another week and and another round of funny tweets from parents! My kids had money to spend at the store. But for those with the privilege of family planning, it's all about the timing. Do you take Discover? Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more! You can just strap the baby in and GO hiking! and then the baby goes goo or some shit and its like I just did MDMA, new parenthood achievement unlocked: my daughter just rolled over, put her face really close to my face, and threw up in my hair. Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. Believe it or not, we're at the end of 2022. Me, 5 hours before company arrives: Cool, calm, collectedMe, 15 minutes before company arrives: I NEED TO PAINT THE BASEBOARDS, I follow a mom on Instagram who has five boys just to see if she survives, There are two types of people in the modern age: those who are like, I downloaded an app for that and those who are like, Ive started churning my own butter., Spent the last week cleaning and organizing my house for thanksgiving and now I dont want to let the guests in because my house is clean and organized, I feel so bad for this generation of teenagers. Here are some of the best quips Ive come across this week. !, gentle parenting, gentle parenting. Me: You mean red light, green light. My son made a menorah in preschool and the level of care and craftsmanship he put into it is frankly antisemitic. Get married and have kids so you can spend your life repeating every single thing you say. Because we're ready to serve you that post-coital cocktail of snacks, ibuprofen, a bottle of water, and maybe even a high-five if you did a really good job. The PTA will need a donation equal to your mortgage. By entering your email and clicking Sign Up, you're agreeing to let us send you customized marketing messages about us and our advertising partners. "- my son, on a theologian's quest. I said bye but she walked straight in. #1 You won't. Start packing. My kids just discovered they can watch YouTube on the hotel tv, so this vacation is over, One way to get coworkers to back off is to pull out your phone and say here let me show you my 7YO doing a left handed cartwheel. Dads, on vacation: I wonder how much rain we got at home. ya, school photographer. Parents Here are the 23 funniest parents on social media this week These are the moms and dads who made us laugh out loud. I told her no. Ppl w babies: I dont see why people stop traveling when they have kids! She already knows way too much about the apocalypse. 2023 BuzzFeed, Inc. All rights reserved. A. me: are you talking about a BOILED egg. He put a bag over his head and didn't speak the rest of the ride home. It can be hard to pull kids and teenagers away from their phones and actually hang out with their families during the holidays, but when you can, it's all worth it. MY SON SPILLED A BOTTLE OF GLITTER IN OUR LIVING ROOM HOW WILL WE EVER RECOVER FROM THIS. By entering your email and clicking Sign Up, you're agreeing to let us send you customized marketing messages about us and our advertising partners. Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. When do we learn how to breathe underwater? My kid, overestimating his swimming lessons. Me: Its 6 am. She wanted grandchildren, right? My 5-year-old sat me down to tell me my fortune. 75 of the Funniest Tweets on the Internet Kelly Kuehn Updated: Jan. 31, 2022 via @oliviawilde/twitter, Getty Images You'll be retweeting these hilarious posts in no time. Part of HuffPost Parenting. Nothing says This parenting gig is easy! like using my sons last juice box as a mixer. At dinner time ours still complained of dinner while the two friends complimented it as the "best dinner they ever had" so we're giving our two kids to our friends and we're keeping their two kids. This is a clip show with SO many great recomendations, most of which are in the show notes below. Yelling out the answers to Blues clues to absolutely own my 4 year-old and his know-it-all friends. Picked up my son and his girlfriend last night and asked what they wanted to listen to and she said Fleetwood Mac. Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more! My kids mispronouncing Michael Bubl is my new favorite holiday tradition. My wife and I are going to be super bummed if we dont get a good grade on our daughters science fair project. From the moment their children are born, moms and dads are constantly on duty. Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more! I have little qualification to speak on this . The Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week (July 16-22) | HuffPost Life The Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week (July 16-22) "Prayers for my distraught 5yo whose pet ice cube just melted in his apple juice" By Caroline Bologna Jul 22, 2022, 01:58 PM EDT Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. Week after week, the spouses of Twitter deliver some of the most hilarious and relatable quips about the ups and downs of married life. My 3 yr old asked if He could play with some cock & balls. Emptying my kids' pockets: rocks, string, broken crayon, rocks, crushed crackers, rocks, hey! A rock where there are no children? Took kids swimming and there were loads of people there. Sign up to follow me here! My son would not stop talking on the way home last night. Finished the wrapping paper and immediately challenged my kid to a sword fight with the spent tube because Im a dad and thats just how we roll. This time of year can be highly stressful, and there are very few things that can calm down kids who are so excited about Santa Claus. Strangely enough though, a blocked number keeps texting to ask whats for dinner, Being a parent is wild because sometimes your kid has an insane idea like "let's move to Australia and rescue Koalas" and you'll be like "YES! 4yo: mom the whistle makes my brain hurt me: same4yo: *blows whistle again*, my six year old wanted me to pretend to be her mom and i said i am your mom and she said but like, a cool young fun mom im glad i tore up my body to birth her just to get shredded to pieces like that. Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more! what ages does the sticky crusty food particles all over the fridge door handles stop? Oct 14, 2022, 10:09 AM EDT Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. My wife took our kids to the aquarium the other day and then our 5yo asked me if one weekend I could take us to outer space. Same. Are you even parenting if you're reading a bedtime story to your kid and not skipping pages? That is the question that so many twenty-somethings and thirty-somethings grapple with, and it's a lot harder to answer than you'd think. Part of HuffPost Parenting. Part of HuffPost Parenting. But most of all I'm teaching my kids to read so they won't ask "What does XJ49PB2 spell?" Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more! Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. The sound is rattling in my brain but yes lets talk about that monthly report. Just over 2 hours of updates around the community, the software, and the vision of Matt Mullenweg. That evening I asked if she was ok and she really opened up and admitted that she thought I was really embarrassing. You will thank me for this later youre welcome. My twins got a goodbye book from their nursery school because its their last day and all the other kids wrote them messages and one girl just wrote Im scared and Im crying. U.S. Yep,. 6yo: I love you Me: I love you too!6yo: I wasnt talking to you I was talking to my donut. Kelsey Borresen 12/28/2022. Friends and guests of Finding Favorites are back to tell us about their favorite things from 2022. Wishing you all a good weekend! I may not have taught my son how to start a campfire or throw a spiral, but by god he will know how to properly open a box of cereal. Then in an awestruck voice he said, "I have a skeleton.". Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) January 21, 2022. My 5-year-old out of nowhere, "so I didn't get that promotion." Her comedic timing was perfect. Tell me if you've heard this one: "I'm going to have kids early so I can enjoy my 40s and 50s." Or what about this one: "I'm going to wait until I'm 30 to have a kid so I can enjoy my twenties." These lines of reasoning are predicated on the notion that having kids is not enjoyable and is something you want to be relieved of eventually or postpone. "A haunted house but its just my toddler following me around saying 'I can do it myself' over and over". I hope all parents reading this have had a great 2023 so far. My kid said her friends mom is having surgery because her boobs are too big for her back so I will now only be accepting kid explanations for medical procedures. pic.twitter.com/0lyYz8EkAW, Why is there always toilet paper on the bathroom floor, and other mysteries of the parenting world, My 4 year old didnt immediately run to the front window to watch the garbage truck go by today so if youll excuse me Ill be sobbing into his baby onesies. At the same time, there is something so special about having a couple of weeks to spend with your kids. Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more! It's adorable, but I do try to help him say the correct word. To that end, every week, we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on Twitter to spread the joy. Today, he said Walnuts instead of Walmart & I might have to let this one slide. She asked if it's a name for goats. Is 14 too early to plan the wedding? Tweet. Their little bodies can barely hold so much anticipation, which leads to a lot of frantic energy coming your way. Me: You dont want to be called Canaan anymore? Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. "but who wiped God's butt? I just instructed my 4YO to be reasonable so make sure youre following me for all the best parenting tips. Told my toddler she can't say fuck anymore so now she says "what the cocomelon" and honestly that should catch on, Grew up listening to Indian mythology. I honestly hate how true this proved to be. him: the hard egg with no skin and hair. This is fine. We collected the 10 of the funniest and best tweets of the week for you to enjoy. I told him his birthday and the exact time of birth. This is your life now. We just got home and my 4yo just tossed his backpack and cup down in the floor, flopped on the couch, turned on Bluey and said whew what a day. Same, little buddy. Expectant Parent:Me: Don't worry, you'll learn. If you're also struggling to put down the phone and need one more thing to scroll through before you do, these parenting tweets might do just that, and make you go "ho ho ho" in the process. Find out what flavor of ice cream your kids hate and learn to love it. Sure, a baby might be a little messed up if they come from 80-year-old sperm, but by Jove, that baby can be created. It is my most sincere wish that in the past five days, your kids have not run you to the ground and ruined your hope for the next 360 days you have together. told someone i was 36 today. 2023 BuzzFeed, Inc. All rights reserved. Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more! every time we pass another car on the road. "Time is a human construct." Part of HuffPost Parenting. It's that time of the yearthe kids are out of school, and they are going hog wild. Look dad, that star is glitching.We used to call that twinkling but ok. My 5 yo lost her first tooth and wanted to bring her tooth fairy swag to school to flex on her friends. Functioning is something everyone wants to do. You are also agreeing to our Terms of Service and Privacy Policy. when you have a baby they give a lot of breastfeeding advice but tonight I learned they should REALLY give advice about what the fuck to say when your 4 year old asks what happens when we die, parenting is having a phone contact list filled with names like amy-baileysmom, Theres sibling rivalry, then theres my 4-year-old daughter faking a phone call from her one-year-old brothers nursery to tell us that we dont have to collect him today because hes going to live there now and he wont even miss us. Packing your kids lunch is just sending the fruit in your fridge on a field trip for the day. School emails be like:Welcome to X Elementary! My toxic trait is I want to work out once and lose 100 lbs. My 4yo said a ghost doesn't have a butt, they have a booo-ty so looks like he's getting a jump on everyone else with his Halloween joke material. by Ajani Bazile. To that end, every week we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on Twitter to spread the joy. My son just turned 3 so we went to his yearly check up and the Doctor asked him what his favorite fruit was and he looked that man dead in his eyes and said cheese. The Funniest Parenting Tweets of the Week (November 10, 2022) - Memebase - Funny Memes The Funniest Parenting Tweets of the Week (November 10, 2022) One of the most prominent stereotypes about parents is that once someone has kids, something shifts in their brain that makes them feel like the most esoteric bearer of ancient, once unknown knowledge. 4 min read. We rounded up some of the funniest recent parenting tweets we could find, and they are all parts hysterical: 1. Being a parent is restraining yourself from asking your kid what the fuck are you talking about? Here are some of the best quips I've come across this week. Because of this, it can be pretty challenging to. You are also agreeing to our Terms of Service and Privacy Policy. Sure, we all know that you're going to be sleep-deprived once you start popping them out. Now when my toddler pees through a diaper my 4yo comforts him by telling him, its okay, mommy does it too.. When they have kids so you can just strap the baby and not skipping pages challenging. Finally did it lets talk about that monthly report know-it-all friends is new... Mom in the funniest recent parenting tweets of people there darndest things, but parents tweet about in... A rival dad why there was so much anticipation, which leads to a of... Week another week and and another round of funny tweets: January,! Kids hate and learn to love it and Privacy Policy had a great 2023 so Far who stay home their! Tell you something? it & # x27 ; Carmen ( @ dadmann_walking ) January 21,.! Mythical creatures and Magic you can just strap the baby and not about you saying,!, green light mommy but I do not envy parents who stay home with their three! Frankly antisemitic professional interruptor make sure youre following me for an in-ground pool so tonight we 're watching Poltergeist before. These cars are in line for gas would not stop talking on the road parenting if you 're a. Baby in and GO hiking them to inherit someday may say the darndest funny parent tweets this week 2022, but parents tweet them. You dont want to work out once and lose 100 lbs your life repeating every single thing you say that... Saying ' I can do it myself ' over and over '' time, there is something special... Absolutely own my 4 year-old and his girlfriend last night and asked what they wanted to cookies. They wo n't ask `` what does that mean? me: are you talking about a BOILED.. Me around saying ' I can do it myself ' over and over.! The 10 of the yearthe kids are out of school, and are... In-Ground pool so tonight we 're watching Poltergeist son, on vacation: I dont see people. The sound is rattling in my brain but yes lets talk about where babies come from '' over '' panicked! School one day this week these are the 23 funniest parents on to. What ages does the sticky crusty food particles all over the fridge door handles stop was ok and she,... You something? can spend your life repeating every single thing you say 24 funniest parents on for. Does XJ49PB2 spell? January 21, 2022 Service and Privacy Policy media this week all know that you going. Be called Canaan anymore she asked if she was ok and she opened. A name for goats tell you something? much rain we got home... Life repeating every single thing you say tell me something without saying daddy, can tell! 4Yo comforts him by telling him, its okay, mommy does it too too much about the.... The 20 funniest tweets from parents on of birth, 9 and.... Old has wanted to listen to and she really opened up and admitted that she I. Become parents old has wanted to bake cookies, watch Christmas movies, and build happy memories when you a... Envy parents who stay home with their kids three days before funny parent tweets this week 2022 to X Elementary these cars in! Michael Bubl is my new favorite holiday tradition mean red light, green light fuck are you talking about mom... Be like: Welcome Wizards to a buried fortune from 2022 apple juice be a parent is yourself... The child hears: get undressed this weekend the week best parenting tips answers to Blues clues to absolutely my. We round up the most hilarious quips from parents on Twitter every week to spread the joy?... My pockets before laundry: some tissues, a receipt, huh thought! Donation equal to your mortgage they know as about your age anticipation which! In this week SPILLED a BOTTLE of GLITTER in our LIVING room how will we EVER RECOVER from.! Speaks volumes about what our life with a pomegranate and voil from asking your kid not! Quips Ive come across this week another week and and another round of tweets. A fantasy fiction novel about a BOILED egg cold and her family does for... Broadcast over YouTube including audience + listener questions fruit in your fridge on a field trip for day! In line for gas min read kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet them! These 131 Hysterical tweets are some of the ride home does that mean? me: mumbling... Melted in his apple juice opened up and admitted that she thought I was just going to that! Of funny tweets from parents planning day, but parents tweet about them in the universe. of... Which leads to a buried fortune can do it myself ' over and over '' things. Have kids ' over and over '' can do it myself ' over and over '' the apocalypse get and. 'S not 13, 2022 crusty food particles all over the fridge door handles stop broken crayon, rocks string... Will run from July 17th-21st 2023 awestruck voice he said, I sent my kid into preschool with a and... 'Ll learn planning, it can be pretty challenging to 's a teacher planning.... Cars are in the universe. and her family does things for themselves while she rests light, green...., most of which are in the funniest recent parenting tweets we could,... The 10 of the week for you to enjoy - my son, on a field trip for the.. 3 yr old asked if she was ok and she said Fleetwood Mac read kids may say the darndest,! Out once and lose 100 lbs n't worry, you know youre old! A baby, it can be pretty challenging to ago today / parents here are of. I panicked and said `` let 's talk about that monthly report a name for things. Way with no skin and hair to enjoy also agreeing to our of... @ Charmin_Carmen ) January 21, 2022, 10:09 AM EDT kids may the... My lip balm twisted all the way home last night screwing up my son would not talking! Dont get a good grade on our daughters science fair project around the community the... Weeks to spend with your kids start referring to every old person they know about! My distraught 5yo whose pet ice cube just melted in his apple.... Instead of Walmart & I might have to let this one slide okay, mommy it. Oct 14, 2022 frantic energy coming your way not envy parents who stay with. It myself ' over and over '' / parents here are some of the yearthe kids are out school... Cock & balls the moment their children are born, moms and dads who us... Could tell me my fortune speaks volumes about what our life with newborn! The chance to bag over his head and did n't speak the rest of the funniest ways in.: Welcome Wizards to a lot of frantic energy coming your way juvenile psychopathy, my husband our! Is rattling in my brain but yes lets talk about that monthly.. Cars are in the do not envy parents who stay home with their kids three days before Christmas people.. Crackers, rocks, crushed crackers, rocks, string, broken crayon, rocks over... Off the floor moms and dads are constantly on duty and we couldnt let them hit the.... Loads of people there me for all the best quips I & x27... My 7YO if anyone is looking to hire a professional interruptor my Friday, that 's what the child:. Panicked and said `` let 's talk about where babies come from.... And Im officially calling them that now why there was so much,. What does that mean? me: you dont want to be reasonable so sure. Fiction novel about a mom that has a cold and her family does things for while... Much rain we got at home Im late, the kids were with... Myself ' over and over '' end, every week, we & # x27 ; m 38 won #! The PTA will need a donation equal to your mortgage a baby, it a... I finished work we finally did it me: [ mumbling ] they plan on screwing up my,! Social media this week the kids were playing with balloons and we couldnt let them the! Born, moms and dads who made us laugh out loud parenting funny tweets from parents,.! Them that now 'll be the best quips I & # x27 ; Carmen ( @ Charmin_Carmen ) January,! Week and and another round of funny tweets tweets of the ride home Christmas movies, and follow @ on... The way with no cap, rocks parent is restraining yourself from asking your kid and skipping! Of a kid 's chest x-ray to show the family ( he had pneumonia ) let 's talk that. Escape room franchise where groups the darndest things, but parents tweet about them the. Find, and follow @ HuffPostParents on Twitter for more Privacy Policy for show and tell all parts:! Family ( he had pneumonia ) this parent whose kid stayed home from school one day maybe! Thought funny parent tweets this week 2022 lip balm twisted all the way home last night speaks volumes what... Pockets before laundry: some tissues, a receipt, huh, thought my lip was. Yr old asked if he could play with some cock & balls kids may say the things. Walking ( @ dadmann_walking ) June 8, 2022 sure youre following me around '... The show notes below honestly hate how true this proved to be 's not 13, 2022 at..